8
spoken. The beer
came to order. They looked, and I looked, but
they looked
right through me. It was all a lot more difficult
than I had
imagined.
MARIA
You know
perfectly well that it wasn't difficult at all. All
you had to do
was to open your mouth. On such occasions, any
normal person
says "Here I am, it's me!" and everything falls
into place.
Reality asserts itself.
JAN
Yes, yes, I
know. But all sorts of things were flooding
through my mind.
I'd expected some sort of welcome -you know,
the return of
the prodigal son, killing the fatted calf, and
so on -and there
I was, taking a glass of beer for money. I
felt moved by it
all, but couldn't find a thing to say.
MARIA
One word would
have been enough.
JAN
But I couldn't
find the right one! And anyway, what's the
hurry? I came
here with money in my pockets, and if I can I
want to make
them happy. When I heard that father was dead, I
realised that I
was now in some respects responsible for both
of them. Knowing
that, I did what I had to do. But perhaps
coming home
isn't quite as easy as it sounds. It takes a bit
of time to make
a son out of just another man.
MARIA
But why not tell
them you were coming? There's a case to be
made for
conventional behaviour, at certain times. If you
wanted to be
recognised you couldn't have done better than to
introduce
yourself. That, I would have thought, was obvious.
If you start out
pretending to be something you're not you'll
end up in a
mess. How on earth can you expect to receive more
of a welcome
than any passing stranger when you act just like
one? In your own
home No, I'm sorry, but none of this makes
sense.
JAN
Come on, Maria,
it doesn't matter that much. Besides, it all
suits my
purpose. I'll take advantage of the delay, see them,
as it were, a
little from the outside. If I play my cards
right I'll have
a much stronger sense of what they really need
to make them
happy. And after that¡¦ well, I'll find some way
to make myself
known. It is, after all, only a matter of
finding the
right words.
MARIA
You'll find some
way... ? There is only one way that I can
think of, and
that's to do what you should have done the
moment you
stepped through the door. To say "Here I am" and
let your heart
speak for you.
JAN
Yes. I know. But
when the heart really is involved, it isn't
that
simple.