A Comedy in One Act by
Aleksandr Vampilov
Translated by Alma H. Law
Copyright (c) 1978 Alma H. Law
CAST OF CHARACTERS
KHOMUNTOV |
An agronomist. |
|
ANCHUGIN (Fyodor Grigorevich) |
A driver, |
on business. |
UGAROV |
An expediters, |
from the town of Lopatsk. |
BAZILSKY |
A violinist, |
here on tour. |
STUPAK |
An engineer |
|
FAINA |
A student, |
newlyweds. |
VASYUTA |
Maid at the Hotel "Taiga" |
A room in a provincial hotel. Soviet Russia, in the present.
Note: TWENTY MINUTES WITH AN ANGEL (DVADTSAT MINUT S ANGELOM)
was written in 1962. The play had its Russian premiere on
30 March, 1972 together with AN INCIDENT WITH A PAGINTOR
(ISTORIYA S METRANPAZHEM) under the title PROVINCIAL ANECTDOTES
(PROVINCIAL 'NYE ANEKDOTY) on the Little Stage of the Lenigrad
Bolshoi Dramatic Theatre.
A double room in the Hotel "Taiga." The room is in
disarray; there are empty bottles on the table. The blinds
are closed; the room is illuminated by a cheap chandelier.
From the adjoining rooms, sounds can be heard: scales
being played on the violin, and from time to time, a woman's
laughter.
UGAROV is sitting on one of the beds. He has just
awakened and now he is sitting with his head hanging. He
is suffering from a hangover. He gets up and rummages in
the nightstand and under the table. He is already dressed,
but is wearlng only one boot. UGAROY is a Iittle over thirty.
He is agile, fussy, not lacking in optimism, which, it is true,
at the moment he has difficulty showing.
UGAROV examines the bottles. lt is evident they are all empty.
With distaste, he drinks some water from a carafe. Having had his
fill, and recovering his breath, he rummages in his pockets. It is
evident there is not so much as a penny in his pockets. He crosses
the room and opens the blinds. Out of doors it is full daylight.
UGAROV
(loudly )
Wake up!
(ANCHUGIN wakes up, raises his head. and looks
dully at UGAROY. ANCHUGIN is gloomy, a slowpoke,
lethargic. his energy is latent for the time
being.)
UGAROV
Rise and shine!
ANCHUGIN
(After figuring out where HE is and what is
actually happening to him)
A drink.
(HE reaches out in the direction of the table.)
UGAROV
A drink?.. All you want.
(HE hands ANCHUGIN the carafe of water.)
ANCHUGIN
(Pushing away UGAROV's hand and the carafe)
A drink.
UGAROV
You don't want it? Then what do you want?
(With a bitter laugh)
Vodka, beer, or maybe some cognac?
ANCHUGIN
Vodka.
UGAROV
(A brief pause)
So. You mean, you prefer vodka.
ANCHUGIN
None left?.. Nothing?..
(HE sits UP and looks at the empty bottles.)
What about money?
UGAROV
(Throwing ANCHUGIN his jacket)
Have a look.
ANCHUGIN
(HE rummages in the pockets, then shakes
the jacket.)
Not a jingle... And you?
UGAROV
Not a kopek... Listen, where's my boot? Any idea?
(HE goes around the room looking for the boot. )
Where did it disappear? . . You didn't see it?..
(Silence)
Do we know anybody ln this town?
ANCHUGIN
Me? Not a soul.
UGAROV
Me neither. lt's the first time I've been here.
(A short pause)
We have to figure out something. We need at least three roubles.
ANCHUGIN
Three sixty-two.
UGAROV
And some eats too?
ANCHUGIN
And where can we get all that?
UGAROV
At the factory?
ANCHUGIN
Right, at the factory. Where else?
UGAROV
(Reconsidering)
Undesirable... It's my first time. Official relationships.
you can understand...
ANCHUGIN
Phone.
UGAROV
A fine kettle of fish... Well. okay.
(HE pulls the telephone nearer. HE hesitates.)
I'm breaking the rules.
ANCHUGIN
The hell with them, with the rules.
UGAROV
Undesirable... You know how it is with us? The expediter
gives, but no one gives anything to the expediter. That's the
law... Well, okay.
(HE dials.)
No answer...
(HE takes out his notebook.)
ANCHUGIN
(Lining up the bottles)
Thirty six kopeks.
UGAROV
507-15, head of sales. A severe woman...
(HE dials.)
No answer.
ANCHUGIN
Thirty six, and a bottle of beer is thirty seven. Won't
work out.
UGAROV
507-34, entrance lobby.
(HE dials.)
Porcelain factory?.. Why doesn't your office answer? . .
Really?
(HE hangs up.)
You see, Fyodor Grigorevich, today's Sunday... day off...
(Silence, except for the sound of the violin
from behind the wall )
ANCHUGIN
Yes . . . A unique situation . . .
UGAROV
Listen! What happened to my boot? Did it get stolen, or
what?
(The violin plays louder.)
ANCHUGIN
And that one.
(Nodding toward the wall)
What does he care. He scrapes away and that's all.
UGAROV
What else should he do? He's an artist. A well-provided ded
person.
ANCHUGIN
I'm fed up.
(Female laughter is heard)
And that too. Some broad.
UGAROV
A couple moved in there. Young Happy,,. They don't need .
vodka.
(Hopefully)
Fyodor Grigorevich, who was that drinking with us last night?
ANCHUGIN
Some dames.
UGAROV
Really?.. Oh-oh-oh. I remember--some women, They were in .
the room across from us.
ANCHUGIN
Too bad... They sent you with me and now I'm in trouble for
it. I haven't had a drink in three months, and you, you dog,
in only three days you've ruined me.
UGAROV
Cut it out, Fyodor Grigorevich, that's not going to help you.
Right now we need to get something for our hangover.
ANCHUGIN
With what?
UGAROV
We'll borrow.
ANCHUGIN
Who from?
UGAROV
That's the question. We have to think. Figure something out.
ANCHUGIN
I can't think. My head is klling me.
(Silence. The violin is heard.)
ANCHUGIN
(Suddenly jumping up)
The bastard! Is he going to shut up or not?
(HE is about to pound on the wall, but UGAROV
stops him.)
UGAROV
Take it easy, Fyodor Grigorevich, that's not going to help
either.
ANCHUGIN
He's driving me nuts.
UGAROV
That's his work. Why raise a fuss. On the contrary, artists
must be respected. They haul in a lot of money.
(HE mimes playing on the violin.)
You pull it this way--a rouble, you pull it back--another rouble.
(Suddenly)
Anr chance he might give us a three spot?
ANCHUGIN
Him?
UGAROV
Why not? We'll say this and that, and can you lend it to us until
tomorrow? We'll send a telegram today and tomorrow we'll have it.
Huh?... Come on, Fyodor Grigorevich.
ANCHUGIN
But why me? Why not you, for instance?
UGAROV
Well, Fyodor Grigorevich. After all, I'm your supervisor.
ANCHUGIN
What kind of supervisor are you. A boozer just like me.
Even worse.
(A brief pause)
I won't go.
UGAROV
Fyodor Grigorevich! Look at me. How can I go? I only have
one boot!.. A person can't appear in public like this.
It's not proper.
ANCHUGIN
I won't go.
UGAROV
Well, all right. Then you go there
(HE points)
to the newlyweds, and I'll take on the musician, if you insist...
Well?.. They came here in a car--they're rich, and besides
there's two of them--they're nice. You knock, excuse yourself,
proper like, and say hello. Then call the husband out in
the hall...
ANCHUGIN
And what's he?
UGAROV
Him? An engineer or something. Call him out in the hall...
Although--no, don't call him out, ask in front of the woman.
Better, in front of the woman.
ANCHUGIN
Who 're you trying to give lessons to?
(HE gets up.)
To hell with the fiddler, I'll try the engineer.
(HE exits.)
UGAROV
(Dialing)
Desk?.. Give me room 227. Comrade-violinist?..
(Putting on an easy manner)
Good morning... Well then?.. How did you sleep?..
(Changing his tune)
I'm sorry... Your neighbors... Ugarov, from Lopatsk..
We're actually, you see, in the industrial line... No,
your room neighbors, in the hotel... Yes, yes... You're
playlng and my friend and I are listening, and we're really
delighted... What?.. Last night, you mean?..- Yes, yes.
There was, there was!
(He giggles. )
Don't say...
(Trying to vindicate himself)
Those were guests, you see, guests... It was them, their
fault... You understand, simple, unsophisticated people.
At the drop of a hat they start in singing and dancing...
I agree with you. Absolutely true. . . I'11 take it under
consideration . . . What's the matter, you say?.. The matter,
you see, is ticklish one, you could say a two-edged
question. . . To the point? All right. I'll get to the
point. . . Can you let us have a little loan? You'll forgive
us, of course, but tomorrow we'll be receiving a sum...
What?.. I see...
(It is obvious that the conversation has ended.)
(HE hangs up. )
Jerk!
(A knock at the door. VASYUTA enters with
a mop in her hand. VASYUTA is a middle-
aged, weary woman with a sharp, angry voice.)
VASYUTA
(Looking around the room)
Shall I clean up?
UGAROV
You can. Or not. Makes no difference.
VASYUTA
How many days you been drinking?
(SHE starts tidying up the room.)
UGAROV
How many?.. Three, Anna Vasilevna. Three, lf you please.
VASYUTA
What's the occasion for the drinking? Where's the money
coming from?
UGAROV
It's our money, Anna Vasilevna, the fruits of our labor.
VASYUTA
Lordy! What people do with their money! I can't see it.
UGAROV
What do you mean?
VASYUTA
Thls. I, for instance, l scrimp every kopek trying to get
a dress for my little granddaughter, and you throw hundred
and hundreds away ou vodka. It makes me mad.
(SHE tidies up the bureau.)
What's this? Lordy! Shameful!
UGAROV
What, Anna Vasilevna?
VASYUTA
Whoever heard of such a thing, putting a boot ln a vase.
UGAROV
You don't say! How did it ever get there?
VASYUTA
That's what I'm asking, how?
UGAROY
How?. . I'm amazed myself.
VASYUTA
(A pause. SHE tidies up the room.)
Say, while I remember. A reminder from the business officc.
You owe for three days on your room, and you broke a carafe
day before yesterday. Get your money ready...
UGAROV
Anna Vasllevna! You're killing me.
(ANCHUGIN enters.)
Anna Vasilevna! Anna Vasilevna... I understand. your grand-
children demand a lot of attention, but there are times when
a person has to drink. Now you, Anna Vasilevna,
(Gesturing at ANCHUGIN)
Just look at him... Look.
VASYUTA
(Distracted from her cleaning up)
Well?.. What did I miss about him?
UGAROV
You see, he's not well, a sick man...
(Suddenly)
Anna Vasilevna, honey! Save him. Let us have three roubles
until tomorrow.
VASYUTA
(Quickly)
(upset)
You have no shame, no heart! You throw away hundreds, and
then who do you ask? No! No! Don't even say it or even
think it!
(8HE exlts)
ANCHUGIN
She'd rather hang herself than give.
(A pause)
What about the neighbors?
ANCHUGIN
Who?
(HE points.)
Them?.. Not a hope. T~he fellow's no fool, educated. It's,
he says, our honeymoon trip, lots of expenses. Excuse me,
he says, friend, aud please shut the door from the other side.
He cut me off.
(He gestures toward the wall.)
And that one?
UGAROV
Refused. The same thing.
ANCHUGIN
It's hopeless. No one will give.
(HE sits on the bed holding his head.)
I can't. My skull is splitting...
(Female laughter is no loner heard. But the
violln ls heard. ANCHUGIN gets up and pounds
on the wall with his fist. UGROV restrains
him.)
UGAROV
Don't raise a rumpus, Fyodor Grigorevich. What's the point?
ANCHUGIN
He's boring into my brain, the louse.
(A quick knock and BAZILSKY enters, a very
excitable man with a violin bow in his hand.
HE is about fifty.)
BAZILSKY
What does that mean? Why are you pounding on the walls?
ANCHUGIN
I'm fed up with your music.
BAZILSKY
Oh' So I'm disturbing you? Excuse me! I'm interfering with
your yelling, and bellowing, and roaring. Kindly forgive me.
UGAROV
(Condescendingly)
Well, for this once, I think...
BAZILSKY
I'm sorry, sorry! And last night you were even screeching.
lt was you,
(Indicatlng ANCHUGIN)
who was actually screeching. How you managed to do it, I
can't understand.
UGAROV
Somehow, I manage to.
BAZILSKY
And now, pounding on the wall too? Isn't that going too
far, my friends?
ANCHUGIN
We're sick of your music.
(A brief pause)
lt gets on our nerves.
UGAROV
Yes, comrade-violinist, our nerves aren't made of steel.
BAZILSKY
Nerves? You mean you have nerves?
UGAROV
What else? You have nerves, but. we don't, is that it?
BAZILSKY
Imagine, I never suspected it.
(HE paces about the room.)
And right this minute, imagine, I can't understand how on
earth you got nerves and what you need them for.
(HE stops.)
And if you have them, then why in hell do you pound on the wall?
ANCHUGIN
We're sick and tired of your music.
UGAROV
This isn't a Palace of Culture, this is a hotel. People are
resting here, by the way.
ANCHUGIN
That's all. And not another sound out of you; Understand?
UGAROV
When we come to your concert, then play all you want, but
here...
BAZILSKY
(Exploding)
What? You--at my concert?.. What for?.. Wh-at for?
UGAROV
What do you mean, what for? To listen. For enjoyment.
BAZILSKY
Enjoyment?.. Don't scare me, dammit! Don't!
(HE runs about the room.)
You haven't been to one in a hundred years, and don't go for
another hundred, for God's sake! Go to a carnival, or to
some tavern! Go there--go straight there!
UGAROV
(Somewhat puzzled)
What do you have against us?
BAZILSKY
But don't come to hear me! Not me--don't! You won't find
any laughs there! No laughs! And no enjoyment! I'd rather
play to an empty auditorium! And don't interfere with
working, damn it all!'
(HE rushes out.)
(A brief pause)
ANCHUGIN
A real sorehead.
UGAROV
Nasty. Evidently, people don't go to hear him. He doesn't
make much dough.
ANCHUGIN
There's dough, a11 right. He's a tightwad.
(The violin is heard again.)
UGAROV
(Looking over the bottles)
Thirty six kopeks. Shall we send a telegram?
ANCHUGIN
Who to?
UGAROV
Have to think. If we send it to the office, lt'll drag
out three days, for sure. To my wife? No, she won't under-
stand. That leaves my mother... to her...
ANCHUGIN
Your mother, Of course. A mother won't let you down.
UGAROV
(Writing in his notebook)
"Lopatsk, Ugarova. Forty roubles, urgent. Belorechensk,
main postoffice, general delivery. Love Victor."
(HE counts the number or words.)
One, two, three... Three kopeks each... Just right.
ANCHUGIN
(Holding his head)
Three roubles--that's all we need. When I worked on a
geology expedition, three roubles was kids play.
(Scornfully)
Three roubles!
(A brief pause)
And now, without it you could croak.
UGAROV
Don't start belly aching, Fyodor Grigorevich. We'll think
of something. It's not as if we were living in the woods.
There must be some good people in this uorId. We'll find them.
(HE gets up and throws open the window.)
Look at a11 the people. The street is full of them...
ANCHUGIN
(Going to the window)
Well?.. Then ask them.
(A brief pause)
Why don't you ask? Ask...
(THEY both look out the window.)
They're all good people when you've got money. And when
you're broke?.. Here, I'll show you right now.
(HE shouts out the window.)
Good people! Citizens! Attention please!
UGAROV
What are you up to? What's that for?
ANCHUGIN
(To UGAROY)
See what happens.
(HE shouts.)
Good people! Help! A tragic occasion! A hopeless situation!
UGAROV
What do you want?
ANCHUGIN
(To UGAROY)
Hold it.
(HE shouts.)
Citizens! Who will loan us a hundred roubles?---
UGAROV
(Laughing)
Don't be funny, Fyodor Gregorevich. The police don't like
that kind of joke.
ANCHUGIN
Look at them. They're laughing...
(To someone on the street)
Well, what are you smirking about?
(To UGAROV)
See, a full stomach and he's grinning... .And the others, it's
like they don't hear... That fat one, look, he's even
walking faster. I scared 'em to death... Look, they're all
running home.
(UGAROV laughs.)
That's it. There they are, your good people.
(They both move away from the window.)
Money--when you haven't got it--it's awful.
(A brief pause)
UGAROV
A joke's a joke, but where are we going to get the three roubles?
ANCHUGIN
Maybe sell my jersey? It's new.
UGAROV
Or my watch. What the hell!
ANCHUGIN
Watches aren't worth much now.
UGAROV
Not much, but maybe enough for a bottle.
ANCHUGIN
For a bottle, maybe.
ANCHUGIN
(A brief pause)
But the jersey is more of a sure thing.
(A knock at the door)
Yes! Come in.
(KHOMUTOV enters. HE is about forty, neatly
dressed. HE carries himself modestly, almost
uncertainly. There are moments when HE is
overcome by sudden pensiveness, absent-
mindedness, inattention to the person he is
with. However, he'll have little chance here
of dropping out of the conversation.)
KHOMUTOV
Good day.
UGAROV
Hello.
KHOMUTOV
Tell me, was it you who asked for the money?
(Silence)
Just now, from the window... Was it you?
ANCHUGIN
And so?
KHOMUTOV
So then... If you really need money, then...
UGAROV
What?
ANCHUGIN
(HE smiles.)
You want to give us some money?
KHOMUTOV
Yes. I can help you.
(Silence)
KHOMUTOV
Are you looking for a punch on the nose?
KHOMUTOV
On the nose?.. What for?
ANCHUGIN
Just so. For fun.
KHOMUTOV
(HE smiles.)
No, I don't want one on the nose.
UGAROV
And what, actually, do you want?
KHOMUTOV
I wanted to help you. But I see you were kidding... So then
Maybe it's funny... Excuse me.
(He goes toward the door.)
ANCHUGIN
Wait. What did you come for?
KHOMUTOV
(Stopping)
I already told you. I was planning to help you out.
ANCHUGIN
(Smiling)
You wanted to give us some money?
KHOMUTOV
Yes.
(A brief pause)
UGAROV
Look, are you joking?.. Or maybe, making fools out of us?
KHOMUTOV
No, it looks like you were having a joke on me...
UGAROV
We're in no mood for jokes, you know, we haven't had any
breakfast today...
KHOMUTOV
(Not immediately)
I don't understand. Do you need money or not?
UGAROV
(To ANCHUGIN)
I get it. He wants to go in on a bottle with us.
KHOMUTOV
Nothing of the kind
ANCHUGIN
Then don't act so innocent. Tell us why you came.
KHOMUTOV
I wanted to help you out. But I'm not going to insist on it.
(HE goes toward the door, but then ANCHUGIN
calls to him.)
ANCHUGIN
Listen, friend...
(HE approaches KHOMUTOV.)
Listen. Deep down to the bottom of your heart, maybe, and see
if you can't possibly spare up at least three roubles. No?..
There you are...
KHOMUTOV
Comrades! You astonish me and insult me, even...
(HE takes out some money.)
Here. Take it...
UGAROV
You mean?
KHOMUTOV
Take it, take it.
UGAROV
In what sense?
(HE takes the money.)
KHOMUTOV
Take it,take it, since you're really in need. I hope you
would also help me if it were necessary...
(Pensively)
Any of us mortals can have difficult times and we must
help one another. How else? There's no other way...
(A short pause)
Very well. Since you're so suspicious--here's my address.
(HE goes to the table and writes down his
address.)
Here's my address. Return the money if you feel you have to.
but remember, you needn't return it...
UGAROV
What do you mean, needn't return it?
KHOMUTOV
Just that, not return it. All the best. Good-by.
(HE exits. Silence. Then UGAROV timidly
counts the money.)
ANCHUGIN
How much?
UGAROV
A hundred!
(HE throws the money on the table. A pause)
Listen, Anchugin, I don't like this.
(A brief pause)
Something's not quite right... I've got the feeling that
now they're going to beat us up... Huh, Fyodor Grigorevich?
ANCHUGIN
(HE counts the money.)
A hundred...
UGAROV
Listen, it seems to me I've seen him somewhere. You didn't?..
Wasn't he here last night?.. No?.. I guess not...
ANCHUGlN
Wait a minute!
(HE goes out quickly.)
UGAROV
(HE sits down at the table in front of the money)
Here's a fine one...
(HE looks around the room. Quickly and somewhat
furtively, he straightens the beds, tidies up
the room, and covers the money with a newspaper.)
UGAROV (cont'd)
Damnit all...
(HE thinks for a minute. Then HE opens the
door and looks out in the hall. HE calls
loudly.)
Anna Vasilevna!..
(VASYUTA appears. SHE stops at the door.)
Anna Vasilevna, you're a smart woman. Tell me, now... Now,
supposing a stranger came up to you, said hello all nice and
proper, talked to you, and then out of the blue took out a
wad of bills and said, "You need a hundred roubles--take it."
And he left. Could such a thing happen? Huh?
VASYUTA
Nonsense... What did you call me for? I won't give you any
money. Don't ask.
UGAROV
Thanks, Anna Vasilevna. That's all. You're a smart woman. May
God give you health so you'll live another one hundred and
fifty years.
VASYUTA
You drunks have nothing better to do.
(SHE exits.)
(UGAROV closes the door, goes to the table,
and again counts the money. HE holds it up
to the light. KHOMUTOV enters, led by ANCHUGIN.
ANCHUGIN
There.
(HE indicates the money to KHOMUTOV.)
Take your loan. To the devil with you.
KHOMUTOV
But I gave it to you, after all. That's not very nice. And
besides, you need it, so why...
UGAROV
(Interrupting)
Listen, did they let you out for good, or just... Temporarily?
KHOMUTOV
Let me out of where?
UGAROV
Well... From that place...
KHOMUTOV
For a week, but that has nothing to do with it.
UGAROV
For a week, and without surveillance. That's not right.
KHOMUTOV
This money... How can I explain... To make it short, I
have money. But this, here, I don't need.
ANCHUGIN
And maybe the money isn't yours at all, huh?
KHOMUTOV
And whose do you think it is?
UGAROV
Excuse me, but maybe your money is counterfeit?
KHOMUTOV
But what's all this, comrades! The whole thing's ridiculous.
I did it from my heart, can't you understand!
ANCHUGIN
Tell us honestly. Is it the "Gold Ore Mining" or "Mica" Trust?
KHOMUTOV
I don't understand.
ANCHUGIN
Where's the advance from, the travel allowance, that is?
From the "Gold Trust"? Or "Mica"?
KHOMUTOV
What "Gold"? What "Mica"? God help you!
UGAROV
So... And by the way, do you believe in God?
KHOMUTOV
In God?.. .No, but...
UGAROV
But?.. You don't happen by any chance to be a member of
religious sect?
(KHOMUTOV spreads his arms in a gesture of helplessness.)
And who are you, actua11y? Where do you work?
KHOMUTOV
Me?.. Well, I'm an agronomist.
ANCHUGIN
An agronomist?
KHOMUTOV
An agronomist.
ANCHUGIN
Seeding, you mean, and plowing.
KHOMUTOV
Seeding and plowing.
ANCHUGIN
You're kolkhoz, of course, is rich?
KHOMUTOV
Yes, rich... so what?
ANCHUGIN
You're short of manpower, right?
KHOMUTOV
Manpower?.. Right, we're short . . Well, and so what?
ANCHUGIN
You should have told us right off. Of course, you'll build
us a house, and give us a cow, huh?
KHOMUTOV
Of course not! I simply gave it to you. I want to help.
Why can't you believe me?
(A brief pause, then suddenly)
Tell me, are your parents living?
UGAROV
Why? Why are you asking?
KHOMUTOV
It's just, I'm interested...
ANCHUGIN
From the police, is that it?
(HE takes out his papers.)
Then, here, have a look.
UGAROV
Or maybe, from higher up? What's your angle? we're little
people. He's a driver, and I'm an expediter. What's your
angle?
KHOMUTOV
Rubbish . Again I repeat. I'm simply giving it... No
strings attached... You won't take it?..
ANCHUGIN
We pass.
UGAROV
I have the feeling that if I take that money,I'll live to
regret it.
ANCHUGIN
(Returning the money to KHOMUTOV)
Here. Count it.
KHOMUTOV
(Putting the money in his pocket)
I see that you can't understand simple human kindness.
Unfortunately... Well, then. Good-bye. Don't think badly
of me.
(HE goes toward the door.)
ANCHUGIN
(HE stops KHOMTOV and puts his hands on
KHOMUTOV's shoulders so that it looks as though
he were hugging him.)
Listen, friend, quit pulling our leg. At least explain in
parting. Admit what you're up to. Otherwise, you know, I'll
lose sleep over it. A hundred roubles, just like that,
out of the blue--who'd believe it, really. Judge for yourself...
KHOMUTOV
(After a pause)
I wanted to help you. That's a11.
ANCHUGIN
You're lying.
(Suddenly twisting KHOMUTOV's arms)
A towel!
(UGAROV ties KHOMUTOV's hands with a towel.)
KHOMUTOV
(Stunned)
Comrades!.. What's the matter? Comrades!
(HE tries to free himself.)
ANCHUGIN
Quit struggling... Tell us everything in good order.
KHOMUTOV
Comrades! What are you doing?..
UGAROV
Take it easy... easy...
(A struggle. With a second towl, THEY tie
KHOMUTOV's arms to the headboard of the bed.)
There now... Let's talk calmly, and business-like.
ANCHUGIN
Tell us.
KHOMUTOV
Untie me. Untie me this minute.
ANCHUGIN
First tell us why you came here.
KHOMUTOV
I told you everything. I don't understand what you want from
me.
UGAROV
We're the ones who are asking: what do you want from us?
ANCHUGIN
Where's the dough from? Tell us where you took it.
KHOMUTOV
Comrades, but this is violence, actual violence. Untie me,
you hear!
ANCHUGIN
(Shaking his fist in KHOMUTOV's face)
If you're after a disability pension, then look, I can help you.
KHOMUTOV
What for?.. Because I wanted to help you?
ANCHUGIN
(Suddenly friendly)
Well, enough, buddy. Enough playing games.
(HE sits down next to KHOMUTOV, and speaks
confidential1y)
Listen, you can count on us.
UGAROV
One hundred percent.
ANCHUGIN
We won't sell you out, you can relax... Tell us, now, the
money's stolen, right?
UGAROV
So you stole it, what's so special about that.
ANCHUGIN
(Hopefully )
You stole it?
KHOMUTOV
(Furious)
Yes! Yes! I stole it. Does that suit you? I stole it!
That, you understand, do you?
(Silence)
ANCHUGIN
(Angrily)
Why did you hold out on us, huh? You made out like you were
a saint, a good man. You enjoyed it, huh?
KHOMUTOV
(Confused)
But you yourselves wanted... You wanted me to say the money
was stolen. So what are you so nervous about?
UGAROV
(Regretfully)
He didn't steal, it's obvious, he didn't. There's something
else... But what?
ANCHUGIN
Hold on.
(HE takes KHOMUTOV's papers from the latter's
jacket pocket and hands them to UGAROV.)
We'll take a look at what kind of bird you are.
UGAROV
(Reading)
"Khomutov, Gennady Mikhailovich... Agronomist."
ANCHUGIN
Agronomist?
UGAROV
Agronomist. And the name fits.
ANCHUGIN
Listen, agronomist, where did you get so much extra money
from?.. We'll take you to the authorities, let them figure
it out...
UGAROV
Or maybe they sent you?
ANCHUGIN
Where's the money from?
(HE goes up to KHOMUTOV)
Are you going to tell or not?
UGAROV
Don't Fedya, don't! It'll be worse.
(HE restrains ANCHUGIN.)
KHOMUTOV
Untie me or you'll answer for it.
ANCHUGIN
I'll fix you now...
(HE breaks loose from UGARO's hold.)
UGAROV
Listen... Let's untie him. You never know who he might be.
Let him beat it...
(A struggle between UGAROV and ANCHUGIN)
No... He's going to tell me... Explain properly...
UGAROV
But I tell you... let's let him go...
ANCHUGIN
And I'm telling you--no.
(THEY drag each other around the room.)
UGAROV
Let's let him go...
ANCHUGIN
It won't work out...
KHOMUTOV
Quit it, comrades, quit it!.. Stop.
(The strugge continues, but since THEY are of
equal strength, THEY, both get exhausted and
fall on the bed.)
ANCHUGIN
(Breathing heavily. To UGAROV)
Sucker... Baboon...
UGAROV
(Breathing heavily)
You foot, Fyodor Grigorevich...
ANCHUGIN
Shut up, parasite.
UGAROV
You don't know yourself what you've run up against...
(UGAROV gets up and tries to untie KHOMUTOV.
ANCHUGIN throws himself at UGAROV and again
they sit on the bed.)
A fool, you're a fool, all right.
KHOMUTOV
Well, what how?.. maybe you'11 untie me?
UGAROV
Really, what are we going to do with him?
ANCHUGIN
Nothing... This way he won't get away from me.
UGAROV
What are we going to do, I ask you.
(A short pause)
ANCHUGIN
Call somebody... Call some people. Let them decide.
(HE gets up, pounds on one wall, then the other
HE then goes out in the hallway. HE returns,
and throwing the door wide open, stands on
the threshold.)
Come in, citizens. Help us, if you can.
(BASILSKY and STUPAK, with his wife. FAINA
enter, STUPAK is plump young woman, about
thirty years old. He has an air of self-confidence.
FAINA is about twenty, no more. Out of absent-
mindedness, BAZILSKY is still carrying his violin
and bow. VASYUTA appears behind the others.)
BAZILSKY
What's the matter?
STUPAK
What happened?
VASYUTA
Now what?
ANCHUGIN
Sit down, Anna Vasilevna, and listen. Sit down, citizens.
(To UGAR0V)
Give them a briefing.
UGAROV
Dear neighbors! You see before you a man, who in the course
of half an hour, literally made nervous wrecks out of us.
BAZILSKY
Make it short.
KHOMUTOV
Untie my hands.
STUPAK
But why are they tied?. What is he, a criminal?
UGAROV
Maybe he's a criminal, and maybe he's something worse than
a criminal. So then, we got up this morning with, excuse me,
a hangover.
ANCHUGIN
In general, it was like this. Earlier, for a joke I yelled
out the window something like, citizens, lend us a hundred
roubles.
STUPAK
We heard. In my opinion, this joke is disgraceful.
BAZILSKY
(Impatiently, to ANCHUGIN)
Go on.
ANCHUGIN
Well, I played my joke, and then we forgot about the thing.
The next we know, this idiot busts in...
UGAROV
Literally, a stranger to us...
ANCHUGIN
And he says, "Are you the ones who asked for the money?
UGAROV
We needed money, of course. We would have borrowed three
roubles or so from a neighbor, or ten--that's natural. . .
ANCHUGIN
But this one pulls out a hundred, a hundred--roubles, that is...
VASYUTA
Lordy!
ANCHUGIN
He pulls it out and says, "You need it, then take-it, please."
STUPAK
Impossible.
ANCHUGIN
He puts down that hundred and leaves.
(To KHOMUTOV)
Isn't that right.
KHOMUTOV
Go on with the story.
ANCHUGIN
Well, I, of course, caught up with him, dragged him back here,
asked him how, and what, and why--to explain honestly.
A hundred roubles is no joke...
UGAROV
It wasn't because of our blue eyes, you understand...
STUPAK
Umm, yes... interesting...
UGAROV
Maybe we don't understand, actually. He's a driver, and I
procure toilets for my hometown. Maybe we don't understand
about life?
VASYUTA
And he's probably drunk.
ANCHUGIN
He's sober. Like a judge, that's just it.
UGAROV
Now you, comrade violinist, you're a serious fellow. You talk
to him proper1y.
KHOMUTOV
In fact, you explain to them, get it through their heads...
BAZILSKY
Tell us, is everything they'v described here...
KHOMUOV
Yes, that's how it was.
BAZILSKY
But... What about the hundred roubles? Really?
KHOMUOV
Yes. A hundred roubles.
STUPAK
But how--without strings?
KHOMUOV
(Annoyed)
Yes. Without strings.
STUPAK
Interesting... Interesting, how much "without strings" costs
nowadays....
BAZILSKY
(To KHOMUTOV)
To give these characters a hundred roubles?.. Odd...
UGAROV
That's just it, odd.
STUPAK
(To BAZILSKY)
You're overdoing it. What's so mysterious here? He s a
crook. A crook, that's all.
FAINA
(To her husband)
Why do you say that? We don't know...
STUPAK
(Interrupting)
What don't we know? The motives are unknown, that's why he's
hiding them. Only a con man, a swindler, a notoriously
unreliable person could play a trick like this. In a word,
a crook.
VASYUTA
Should I call the manager?
BAZILSKY
Or maybe a doctor?
(To KHOMUTOV)
You're sure you're in your right mind?..
KHOMUTOV
I'm all right. But what's wrong with you, comrades? Can't
any of you understand it? One person doesn't have a cent,
and another has plenty of money. One needs money badly
and the other is saving it. So then, the second gives to
the first, shares with him, helps him. What's so strange
about that? It's all so simple.
STUPAK
That's nonsense. Idealism, but it sounds more like a swindle.
KHOMUTOV
Listen, most of all we worry about ourselves.. But at
the same time we mustn't, believe me, we mustn't forget
about others. The time will come and we'll pay dearly for
our indifference, for our egotism. It's so, I assure you...
STUPAK
Gibberish. And religious, besides. Gibberish and lies.
KOMUTOV
(To STUPAK)
Ye-es, I understand you. You yourself, evidently wouldn't
help anyone. But at least try to understand another, who
does help.
(To everybody)
Can't you understand?
UGAROV
We're not such fools here as you think.
STUPAK
Perhaps you're looking for popularity? Trying to earn some
moral capital? Then it makes sense.
BAZILSKY
It's beyond comprehension! In this town nobody goes to concerts
except old women and prodigies. And educated people, instead
of caring about culture, drink vodka and do everything they
can to impress the world. Why are you doing it? What for?
This way you corrupt the public, can you understand that?..
No, I don't believe in your goodness! This is some kind of
deviltry--for certain! I won't be surprised if this story
hits the newspapers tomorrow.
STUPAK
Maybe you're a journalist and trying to get yourself a story?
Or maybe some new angle?
FAINA
(To her husband)
Stop it.
KHOMUTOV
Well, there you are. You do people a favor and here's the
thanks you get.
STUPAK
Drop this funny business. Who are you, that you go throwing
around hundreds? Tolstoy or Jean Paul Sartre? Well, who
are you?.. I'll tell you who you are. You're a hooligan.
And that's at the very least.
VASYUTA
But how come you're so good looking? Maybe you're some
angel from heaven, God forgive me.
BAZILSKY
Unfortunately, he bears no resemblance to an angel.
(To KHOMUTOV)
You're a charlatan. Or some variety of charlatan.
KHOMUTOV
Well, thank you. Now I'll know better than to bother people
with my sympathy.
STUPAK
Drop it. Nobody here believes you.
(A brief pause)
FAINA
(To everybody)
And what if it's true?.. What if he wanted to help them.
Just like that...
STUPAK
(Shouting)
Don't talk nonsense!
FAINA
(Horrified)
Why are you shouting at me?
STUPAK
Because you should mind your own business!
FAINA
(To KHOMUTOV)
Listen, I believe you. I believe you did it just like that...
STUPAK
Fool! Nothing happens "just like that." Never! Remember
that!
UGAROV
It's the truth, honey. Nothing happens just like that.
FAINA
(To everyone)
Do you think so?
VASYUTA
How else?
FAINA
(To BAZILSKY)
And you believe that too?
BAZILSKY
However I believe, whatever I believe--has never yet changed
anything.
(HE stands to one side, his arms folded.)
STUPAK
(To FAINA)
Don't butt in with your trusting!
(In a kinder tone)
Please.
FAINA
In other words, nothing that goes on--nothing is just like that?
VASYUTA
Nothing, dearie, nothing--you can count on it. Help and
sympathy--nothing is simple now. Even love, even that...
FAINA
What about love?
VASYUTA
What about love? Well, dearie, love is all very nice, but
you know yourself a husband with a car, for instance, is
better than one without a car.
STUPAK
(Shouting)
You be quiet!
VASYUTA
But isn't that the truth?
(FAINA sits down on the bed next to KHOMUTOV.)
STUPAK
(To VASYUTA)
What do you want here?
VASYUTA
I'm not talking to you--but to her. Let her know her place.
It'll be better for you too.
STUPAK
Shut up, you old hag!
VASYUTA
And why are you shouting?
FAINA
Why is he shouting?.. Because the car isn't his. It's mine.
ANCHUGIN
(To KHOMUTOV, threateningly)
Look, agronomist. You're upsetting people...
STUPAK
(To FAINA)
What has the car to do with it? Aren't you ashamed?
(To EVERYBODY)
Comrades! What is happening here? It's simply monstrous!
We're at each other's throats. And all because of him!
Because of him! He's a trouble maker! He's insulted all of
us! Slandered us! Made us feel degraded! He must be quarantined!
Immediately!
ANCHUGIN
Let him tell first why he came.
(EYERYBODY except FAINA advances on KHOMUTOV)
UGAROV
Where's the money from?
ANCHUGIN
Why did you give it? What for?
BAZILSKY
Are you finally going to tell us the real reason?
STUPAK
Speak, dammit!
(A short pause )
KHOMUTOV
(In anguish)
I wanted to help them.
(A roar of indignation. EVERYBODY, except
FAINA, shouts and speaks at once: "A nut!" A drunk!" "A
crook!" "He's lying!" "I'11 kill you."
BAZILSKY
Maniac! Maybe you imagine you're Jesus Christ?
FAINA
(Stepping between KHOMUTOV and the group
advancing on him)
Stop!
(SHE shouts.)
Come to your senses!
(EVERYBODY stops.)
KHOMUTOV
What are you trying to get out of me? What do you want?..
To tell you that I murdered?.. Robbed?.. Killed?
STUPAK
It's a possibillty. I'm even positive that we have uncovered
a crime. Let's call the police and the matter will be settled.
(HE goes to the telephone.)
BAZILSKY
No, no. Call the hospital. It's delusions of grandeur.
Definitely. He thinks he's a savior.
(Silence)
STUPAK
(Dialing)
Information? The number of the psychiatric hospital...
Thanks.
(HE dials.)
KHOMUTOV
(Hoarsely)
All right. Untie me. I'll explain everything.
(A short pause. ANCHUGIN unties KHOMTOV.
KHOMUTOV, speaking slowly)
You've convinced me you can do whatever you want with me. . .
But I'm not planning to go to the mental hospital. I don't
have time... I came here for a week. . .
(A brief silence)
KHOMUTOV (cont'd)
My mother lived in this town... She lived here alone and
I hadn't seen her in six years...
(With difficulty)
In those six years... I... I didn't once visit her. And
not once... Not once did I help her. Not in any way...
The whole six years I planned to send her this same money.
I carried it in my pocket, and then spent it... And now...
(A pause)
Now she doesn't need anything anymore... Including this
money.
VASYUTA
Lordy!
KHOMUTOV
I buried her three days ago. And this money I decided to
give to the first one who needed it more than me... The
rest you know...
(Sllence)
Now I hope you understand me...
(A brief pause)
ANCHUGIN
Friend. . . Why didn't you tell us sooner?
KH0MUTOV
And who wants to admit a thing like that?
VASYUTA
Lordy, what sinners we are...
UGAROV
And us, huh? . . A bad situation.
BAZILSKY
(To KHOMUTOV)
Forgive me if you can...
UGAROV
Some drinks.
(VASYUTA disappears.)
BAZILSKY
(Astonished)
This is terrible, terrible. Something got into us. We
went wild, completely wild...
ANCHUGIN
(Sitting down next to KHOMUTOV)
Excuse me, pal. Don't be sore.
UGAROV
If we'd known, there'd have been no question...
STUPAK
Excuse me, Of course. But it turns out we're quits. I
quarrelled with my wife for the first time today.
(To FAINA)
Stop sulking. You can see the comrade has troubles.
(HE goes up to FAINA)
Well, forgive me.
(HE tries to take her hand.)
Come on, don't sulk.
FAINA
(Taking her hand away)
Don't touch me, please.
STUPAK
Oh?.. lt's that bad?
(FAINA is silent.)
Com'on, let's go.
(HE goes to the doors and stops.)
Or are you planning to stay here?
FAINA
Yes, I'm planning to.
STUPAK
Oh?.. Well, suit yourself.
(HE exits.)
BAZILSKY
(To KHOMUTOV)
Please don't think we're really so hopeless... It was
something awful, some evil delusion. I assure you... We
should have believed you--of course! We simply had to...
(VASYUTA appears with a bottle and UGAROV
immediately begins filling the glasses.)
ANCHUGIN
(To KHOMUTOV)
Understand, friend. Money, when you don't have it is something
awful.
VASYUTA
Let it be, that cursed money. Where there's money, there's
evil--it's always like that.
UGAROV
(To KHOMUTOV)
Can't be helped...
(With a glass in his hand)
To your mother... To her memory, so to speak... Excuse me.
(HE drinks up. )
ANCHUGIN
(To KHOMUTOV)
So that . . . don't be sad . Have a drink, friend.
(ANCHUGIN, VASYUTA, and KHOMUTOV slowly empty
their glasses.)
FAINA
Give me some too.
(SHE drinks.)
(Silence. BAZlLSKY, standing near the door,
doesn't know what to do--leave or stay.)
UGAROV
And you, comrade violinist, sit down.
(A brief silence, then to EVERYBODY)
Well, what's to be done now?
KHOMUTOV
(Coming to with a start.)
Never mind, comrades, never mind, it's all right... Life,
as they say, goes on...
(A pause)
ANCHUGIN
(Singing)
"Through the deep, mysterious forest..."
UGAROV
(To BAZILSKY)
Play along, comrade violinist.
ANCHUGIN
(Continuing to sing)
"Through the far away Siberian land,
A tramp from Sakhalin was fleeing
Along the animals' narrow trail..."
(ANCHUGIN and UGAROV repeat the last two lines
together. BAZILSKY suddenly joins them on the
violin. Thus they sing: bass, tenor, and violin.